This is my son Chris, with my grandson Milo. Chris is a very all or nothing guy. I give him a hard time about it. I am always telling him its about moderation. He says he can’t do moderation, it’s either all in or nothing, go big or go home, sink or float.
That is usually frustrating for me. I appreciate his will power but I want him to give himself a break. I realized today why it is so frustrating for me, because he gets it from me.
Have you ever noticed that the things about your kids that drive you crazy are usually because it’s a character defect in yourself? You don’t want to see it in yourself, so you certainly don’t want to find it in your child. No matter how old they are.
I am an all or nothing person. That can be good on some levels, but it usually doesn’t show up as a good character trait in me. When I start something I am gung ho, all on board, ready to go. If I am going to exercise, I am going ot exercise every day, and instead of just walking I need to add weights, and sit ups, and planking, and on and on and on. I go to such extremes that my mind set becomes, if I can’t walk five miles today then walking two won’t do any good. If I am trying to watch what I eat, then I cut out everything that is enjoyable to me. My mind set becomes I ate one small piece of candy today I have blown the whole day, I might as well eat as much as I want. I don’t have an hour to sit down and read my bible, what good is ten minutes going to make?
It also means that I usually burn myself out after about two weeks. Instead of starting out slow and building a new habit, that I can develope as a life change, I start out fast and burn myself out, and give up.
Moderation, practice what I preach to Chris. Set a goal for walking, a realistic goal, not five miles, seven days a week. If I slip up and eat a candy bar, get back on track as soon as possible, don’t destroy what I have done the rest of the day. Don’t waste the ten minutes I have, pick up my Bible, how many verses can I read in ten minutes? There may be one verse that my mind meditates on all day.
Are you an all or nothing person? Cut yourself some slack. Celebrate the victories, and move on from the setbacks, crush the unrealistic expectations, enjoy life.
God gives us things to enjoy (1 Tim 6:17), but all those things must be used in moderation (Phil 4:5).
God don’t let Chris and I pass this trait down to Milo. Let us both be good examples of moderation in our lives.
Thanks to my family for being fair game to my blogs!
Saturday morning as I was running errands I made a stop at Sam’s and Walmart. At both places I ran into two or three people I knew. I stopped for just a short time and said a few words. I probably spent less than a minute with each person I saw that I knew.
As I was leaving Walmart I ran into a man I knew and just briefly said Hi. As I got in my car I thought about that. I thought about the rush I was in to get to the next task on my list. I thought about how many people I maybe didn’t even see, that I knew, because I was checking my list and in such a hurry.
I thought about how frustrated I get sometimes when Brett is shopping with me. He will stop and speak to everyone we know and not just hello, how are you. He takes time to ask questions and then listen for the answers. I am usually already two aisles over.
I know we have different gifts and different personalities. Brett’s gift is servanthood and he is a laid back guy. Mine is organization and I am a type a with a capital “A”. But I can’t use that as an excuse.
I thought about Jesus and how he was here on earth. Jesus was a servant, he washed the disciples feet to show them that. He was also into details, because he made sure everything was set and in place for that last supper. He knew how to be laid back and slow down and he knew how to get things done.
Where do I fall short on this? Jesus knew how to see people. He took the time to look at them, and truly see them. He saw the women at the well and knew what her need was. The woman with the blood issue, he didn’t have to see her to know her need. Zachaus the wee little man he knew his need. Martha he knew her need. The demon possessed boy, the blind, the leper, the lame, he knew all their needs.
It’s the same need that people all around us have today. The need for Jesus. How do we show that? By slowing down. By looking people in the eye. By seeing people as people, not just someone in our way. By taking time to stop, and talk to, and listen to the people we know. By giving someone a hug we haven’t seen for awhile. By smiling at that person we pass in the aisle, the one we don’t know. By saying excuse me. By letting the person go down the aisle before me instead of flying around the corner with my cart. Simple by being kind, courteous, and putting others ahead of ourselves.
It’s the same need today as it was in Jesus day. JESUS. I just have to choose if I am going to show them Jesus or Janet. Janet they don’t need, Jesus they do.
This afternoon Redemption will celebrate the life of William Kinley. In the past twelve months Redemption has grieved and celebrated the lifes of four of our family members, all to the terrible “C” word. Georgia Roach, Stacey Cobb, Mike Edwards, and now William, all people who loved the Lord. These were not people who just showed up on Sunday morning. These were people who served, who were active, who were making a difference. People who were sharing their faith, and the love of Jesus with others.
It’s kind of like pulling your best player from the game, when you are down by one point in the last few seconds. You wonder what is the coach doing? That isn’t the way I would coach, but thankfully I am not the coach.
We as a church prayed for healing in the lives of all four of these people. We prayed for God to remove cancer from their bodies and make them whole and well again, but God didn’t do that. There are some who would say, God answered your prayers. They are whole and healed in heaven.
I don’t feel that way. They are healed and whole again. But, that was not my prayer. My prayer was that God would heal their physical body here on earth. That they would have many more years with their families, many more days, and laughs, and hugs, many more years of serving the Lord here on earth.
We could question and say but, Matthew 18:19, says “ Again, I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven.” With these four people there were many asking for healing, many on earth who agreed they should be healed. So, why were they not?
1 John 5:14-15 “And this is the confidence that we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us. And if we know that he hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests that we have asked of him.”
Because, we pray selfishly, when we pray for healing for someone we are praying for us. We are praying for that person to stay here with us. Who would choose this world over heaven? Who would choose to be here with us if they could be in the presence of Jesus? We pray for our will, our desire not his. Which is the normal thing do to in this situation.
So, do I feel like God didn’t answer all of our prayers for these four people? No, I feel like we were praying the wrong prayer. James 4:3 says, “You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions.” It isn’t wrong to pray for healing, I believe God tells us to ask, and to keep asking but we have to pray for healing that is in God’s will.
I even struggle with that, because I feel like if I pray for healing then I am stepping out and asking God for a miracle. I am asking and believing he will do it. I feel like if I add, if it’s your will, on to it then I am adding insurance. As if to say, oh he didn’t heal, it wasn’t my lack of faith, it just wasn’t his will.
It can all be confusing if I over think it, which I tend to do. But I believe John 14:13-14, “Whatever you ask in my name, this I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If you ask me anything, in my name, I will do it.”
I believe God answered our prayers with these four amazing people. We prayed in his name, it wasn’t his will that they be healed here on earth, we selfishly wanted to keep them, but the Father was glorfied in the life and death of each of these four precious people. And my life is better for having known each of them. Georgia, Stacey, Mike, and William you are missed by many.
Saturday morning I woke up with the words from the following song on my mind, “Oh come to the alter, the Father’s arms are open wide. Forgiveness is bought with the blood of Jesus Christ.” The worship band played that Thursday night at CR, and the words had been on my heart for two days.
As I lay in bed I thought about those words, “come to the alter, the Fathers’s arms are open wide.” My mind always creates instant pictures. I thought of God and I imagined an old man, in flowing white robes with light radiating all around him, sitting on a throne. Then I thought of Jesus and I pictured someone in lowly robes, with long flowing brown hair, warm eyes, and children climbing on his lap.
I know these are not accurate images, no one knows what God looks like. My mind only imagines pictures I have seen, created by others. But those are what I see when I hear the words. I see those two images at the alter of our church, because when I think of the alter, I think of the church alter.
Then I thought about times I have come to the alter. Have I come as a child into a Father’s open arms? No, I usually come as someone dragging a burden. Whether it be the burden of sin, or a burdened heart, with a need for someone else or myself. I usually come downcast, rejected, or broken.
But this song says, the Father’s arms are open wide, with forgiveness. What if I came to the alter, not about what I was bringing, but what I would walk away with. I bring my burdens to the alter and I walk away with forgiveness and peace. That should make me excitedly run to the alter. To those open arms.
For a few years now the desire of my heart has revolved around the following picture. A little girl running to her Father, with outstretched arms and jumping into his arms. I watch Bella run to her Daddy, her Poppy, and her Papa. She runs to them holds up her little arms and says please. Knowing they will gladly pick her up. Knowing they are a safe, loving place.
I want to run to God with unleashed, uninhibited, excited expectations and throw myself in his arms. What about you?
1 Peter 5:2-3, “Care for the flock that God has entrusted to you, watch over it willingly,……..lead them by your own good example.” Peter is talking to the elders of the church in these verses, but they can apply to everyone.
Everyone has a flock. God has given each of us people whom we watch over. You might be a Sunday School teacher, you might lead a small group, you might teach school, you might be a team leader at work, you might pastor a church, you might run a business. In life there are people God has entrusted to you.
One of the most important flocks God gives us is our children. As parents God entrusts our kids to us. We are to watch over them. Watch over them, what exactly does that mean? For Chris and KC as parents of a new born, it means watching Milo constantly, attending to every need he has. God has entrusted them to feed, bathe, dress, change and meet every need in his life right now.
For Brittany and Will, as parents of an almost two year old, watching over Bella means something different. They are still responsbile for providing food for Bella but she can now feed herself. They just have to watch and make sure she eats and doesn’t choke. Watching over Bella means starting to set up boundries for her. Making sure she is safe, yet allowing her to make choices and small freedoms.
As our children get older the watching becomes more about observing them and not doing for them. About allowing them to do things for themselves, and not doing it for them. There are times when just doing it is easier. Easier for us, than easier for them. When my kids were growing up, they were responsible for chores and had to help with housework. However, I really never made them do laundry. It was easier for my OCD to do it myself. I liked things folded a certain way and hung up a certain way so I liked doing it myself. Looking back that probably wasn’t the best parenting choice. They did not learn by me doing it, and that wasn’t a good example.
If you don’t want to be doing your child’s homework in high school, then watch them do it in grade school, don’t do it for them. If you don’t want to be calling in to work for your 30 year old son when he is sick, then don’t start making all his calls in his teens.
Your children are your flock, watch over them in appropriate levels based on their age, lead by a good example. It doesn’t work to just say, “do as I say and not as I do.” They are going to mimic everything you do. Bella repeats every thing you say now, and copies every action, that will continue for many years to come.
God entrusts a lot of people into our lives. But none watch our lives more closely, or more regularly than our kids. So, watch your kids, observe your kids, don’t enable them, and lead by good examples.
This is my third draft of this post. I have written it general, and vague, but that is not what this blog is about. It is suppose to be about being real and being more transparent. So, here goes.
Last Sunday as I was getting ready for church I was thinking about my relationship with Brett. It has been OK the last year but it hasn’t been great. As I thought about that, I admitted alot of that is my fault. I have let bitterness and jealousy build a wall between us. I have been bitter and jealous about his new job as a full time Pastor. How is that for honest? Great job as first year as a Pastor’s wife huh.
As I was getting ready I was saying, but God I have taken this to the alter many times this year. And that is a true statement. I have, but each time I walk away with it stuck to me, just like toilet paper stuck to my shoe.
I have been bitter and jealous, because he has Friday’s off and gets to spend the whole day with Bella just the two of them, having fun. He is pretty much free to make his own schedule and come and go as he pleases. I am stuck to a work schedule each day Monday through Friday. His job is different every day of the week. I do the same thing each day.
Ironically, those are our personalities. I like routine, and a schedule and knowing what I am doing. He is more go with the flow and what ever comes up. So, I know God has each of us in the right positions, some days his just looks better from my side of the fence.
So, as I was getting ready I said God I will take this to the alter this morning, and leave it there. God, spoke to my heart, and said no deal with this now. So I knelt down in my closet at my clothes hamper and prayed. I didn’t miss that I was kneeling over my dirty clothes. I was reminded of Isaiah 64:6 that our good deeds look like filthy rags to God. If that is the case, I wondered what my bad deeds of bitterness and jealousy must look like. I asked God to remove those thoughts from my heart, to tear down the walls I had build up, and help me love my husband completely again.
Later that day, I apologized to Brett. My husband is so easy going and forgiving all he said was, “Does this mean you love me again?”
I know why God had me kneel at my hamper, in my closet that morning. Because, I don’t see the alter where I knelt numerous times every day, but I see that closet and that hamper each day and am reminded to lay it down, if it starts to rear it’s head.
Bitterness is an evil thing. It must be something that God knew we would struggle with, because it is mentioned over and over again in the Bible.
Hebrews 12:15 “that no root of bitterness springs up and causes trouble” Ephesians 4:31 “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you. Acts 8:23 “For I see that you are in the gall of bitterness” Romans 3:14 “Their mouth is full of curses and bitterness” Job 7:11 “I will complain in the bitterness of my soul” James 3:14 “But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts”
The verses go on and on. Bitterness creeps in, you might know its there, but just like weeds if you don’t pluck it out when it first sprouts up it takes over. I knew I was jealous of Brett but I thought I could deal with it. My way of dealing with it was to let a wall go up between us.
I am not naive enough to think it will just go away, I know it is something I need to watch, and address right away if it starts to rear its ugly head. But as I step in my closet each day I am reminded, God gave me a wonderful husband, and I am one lucky wife, with a blessed life.