Weekends mess up my quiet time, time spent in the mornings with God. Isn’t that ironic, that Sunday should mess up my quiet time? But they do, during the week I am more in a routine and get up and spend time reading, praying, or just listening. Saturday and Sundays I get up and don’t immediately go to it. I feel like I have the whole day and it gets away from me.
The thing is when I miss on Saturday and Sundays I have a harder time getting up on Monday mornings, and if I am not careful three or four days go by and I am starting my week out bad. And the thing is, I know what a difference it makes in my life if I take that time each morning to spend with God.
My life runs so much easier when I start my days out with Him. My life runs easier. Does my life run easier because I am spending time with Him or because I feel better about myself? When I am reading and praying am I mentally crossing them off an imaginary list in my head that I don’t even realize exist? So, I feel better about myself and don’t feel guilty?
I don’t really think that is it – when I am reading and praying, then God is at the center of my life and not me. My decisions and actions and responses come from a life less me centered and more outward centered. So, I know he changes me when I spend time with him. I am growing there, but there is an area lacking.
I haven’t reached that point yet that when I miss a few days of reading or praying, that I don’t feel guilty. I want to grow to where when I miss a few days I don’t feel guilty for missing my reading, but that I feel sad because I have missed time with God.
If I look at my phone and see a missed call from Brett, or my kids, or a good friend I feel let down because I missed the call. I don’t feel guilty because I didn’t get to answer it, I feel sad I missed talking with them. I missed what they had to say, what they wanted to tell me.
There is a difference. Being sad I missed it comes from the heart. Feeling guilty I missed it comes from my actions. Feeling sad about missing it is conviction, feeling guilty is condemnation. Conviction comes from God, condemnation comes from Satan.
I have reached a point in my relationship with God that I know spending time with him changes my heart. I still haven’t reached that point yet where missing time with him breaks my heart.
God fill my heart with a deep desire to spend time with you, break the cycle of guilt when I don’t. Let me be lead by conviction and not condemnation.